She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
