yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize