ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
