Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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