Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am one with the molecules
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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