The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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