do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
