sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
