Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
