before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
