Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize