I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
