yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
