you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
