Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
