I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm having to shit out rocks
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