You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
