He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
