she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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