imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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