Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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