The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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