and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
