I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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