if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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