He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
