about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
