It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
