Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
