Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So much rum. So many feels.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
