Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
