the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
