you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
