spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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