He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
