You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
