just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
