My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
