My room smells like vodka and shame
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
