I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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