Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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