I got chris browned last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
