grandma shit on top of the toilet
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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