I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize