im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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