I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
