i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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