I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
