I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
