quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
