Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We got so high we made milksteak
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The adults are the big ones right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
