I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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