When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
