Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
