i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
