OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
