i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
as a side note pls kill me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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