Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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