are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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