I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
