I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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