For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The uberlube is also flammable
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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