I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
