We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
