I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
