Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
