sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
