so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize