is your mom at the bar?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
