i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
