I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize