Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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