My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
