I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
