And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love you.
Bad choice
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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