so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
